One woman's exploration into discovering how surviving and living have been two different things in her life. Her risky desire to be vulnerable and honest in a world that doesn't always support those ideas. One woman's desire to show others that hope can still be found in her life and theirs.
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
Tuesday Tune - Tired Rebel Heart
Still getting beat up pretty bad by my IBS and GERD. I wasn’t getting worried in the first few days because well I’ve had this thing since I was 12 so years of experience, really great nurse mama, and brilliant doctor - we’ve got a protocol worked out. I know what to do with what trigger or symptoms occur. Even if those symptoms change drastically for a few days, I probably just picked up a bug and it’ll take longer to get rid of. The thing is this is week two of change of new awfulness and I’m starting to get a smidge cranky. I’ve missed work (and I don’t miss work or school - I took 2 finals in high school while I had the flu and IBS only to pause for bathroom break once); last time I missed this much work I had to have my gallbladder out. All tests are coming back normal which is good but I’m still in hella pain. And it sucks.
Ever get to a moment in your life where you’re staring at the sky, “Hey, what else am I supposed to do? I’m checking all the boxes and really none of it is enough. Really. How many more rounds are you going to make me go through?” And I know how lucky I am that I’m talking about IBS and not something a lot worse; I truly know I got an easier load to carry here. I don’t know lately it just feels harder, more draining.
So as I look up a couple times this battle round my shuffle mode lands on this song “Rebel Heart” by Lauren Diagle. First off: the girl can SANG! But also I just want to hope the song is like a wink from God; “Hang in there, I know you doubt sometimes and are feeling beat down but rebel I SEE YOU.”
Isn’t that what we all want, especially the rebels: to be seen?
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