- I’ve been battling this illness for over 15 years, I’ve learned long ago what my “normal” is. I’m very well versed in my “normal” so if I reach out for help from you; it’s because something is wrong. I’m not going to jump through the hoops to see you if my symptoms weren’t way off “my normal”.
- Since my body can’t announce when it’s cramping, shocking me with pain, having me escape to a restroom, etc. - I have to list all these uncomfortable symptoms. Please just listen to me and not debate me on what my body can’t possibly do.
- Yes, I’ve become an expert on my body BUT I did not go to medical school. Hence my smiling face in your office with instead of the hundreds of places I’d rather be.
- I would love for there to be more to my life right now than frequent visits to the doctor’s offices, labs, and scanning facilities but I need your help. It is what it is.
- I can understand everyone has good & bad days. But please remember that I’m coming to you on my worst days & I work really hard to still be nice. So it’s extremely hurtful when the people you’re coming to for help are rude, belittling, or mean.
- Can we all (me included) just practice more compassion & kindness please. It’s hard some days; the chaos of life can make it extremely difficult to see that hope still around us all. Lashing out at someone else due to my own pain always makes me feel worse not better. So, can we all take a beat and be nicer to each other.
- Remember a smile or a wave, any small act of kindness, can remind us all that Hope is Still Here.
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
Tuesday, March 3, 2020
- You survived any storm for another day.
- You made it through another night
- You faced the chaos of life
- You preserved through yet another flare of an illness that baffles even your doctors
- You smiled, even if it was a sassy one
- You held on to hope
Monday, December 9, 2019
Thursday, November 14, 2019
It’s a factor of life that awful horrible things can happen to anyone. And a good chunk of the time it isn’t anybody’s fault or it is but you’re so far removed from them.
Tragedy happens and sometimes we’re left with bruises and scars that we don’t know how to begin to process. And as I sit her battling IBS & a killer migraine, I’m having to remind myself of exactly that - none of my current situation is my fault or even really under my control.
The pain and the sadness that contributes to this mess are scars, old bruises, and haunted memories of a little girl having to grow up too soon. And what breaks my heart is I got away easy - I was surrounded by love at home and felt like the four of us could take on anything.
I never went into those battles alone and later when I did/am I know I have a safe place to fall back too. Not many people have that.
So if you’re facing darkness & tragedy this day - I’m truly sorry and you are not alone. Hunker down, regroup, and let those wounds heal into scars.
Feeling really rough today. But appreciating how blessed I am that I can take this time to heal because of the amazing people supporting & encouraging me.
It’s not pretty or easy but I know it’ll be worth it.
It will be worth it.
Friday, October 18, 2019
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
I caught myself focusing on the past a few days ago & I became so angry. Angry at how I’m doing this hard work of healing and the people or situations that hurt me just keep going on like nothing ever happened.
It reminded me a little of how after my dad died - I felt that the world had just ended and everyone else kept chugging along.
In both situations, it’s like I’m searching for someone or something to validate or show some sort of awareness of the damage done and how different my life is.
(I’m belting out “Cry” by @faithhill over and over again.)
What if it’s nobody’s fault I have a different life now?
What if no person or thing caused my scars?
What if it was something more evil that can only be fixed by one thing, God?
What if I have to let go of all the pain and fight & trust Him to do as He says?
I have to let go and trust God ... Okay this might be a thing.
#authenticityjourney #ptsdawareness #longpost #chooselove #letgoandletgod
Friday, June 7, 2019
I was in middle school when things started getting tough for me & my family; my dad fought cancer off & on for 11 years; he died when I was 19; my mom got sick 3 years later & fights every day.
We all survived.
I survived & throughout the years I didn’t have many people who reached out to me to say “I’m here” “I’m sorry” or “this sucks”.
So all I knew was what I figured out for myself & when I was willing to share with my family.
I blame no one & I have no anger in my heart for anyone.
I love my family. I have nothing but love for anybody or any place I traveled through.
And for those that did reach out: thank you isn’t enough for all the comfort, love, & acceptance you have given me - oftentimes doing so in spite of my stubborn self.
I feel this quote in my bones & I had to remind myself of that today.
And now I’m taking the time I need to build a healthier stronger life.
I got nothing but love for people & I’m working on nothing but love for myself.