Friday, October 18, 2019

Sorry I’ve been gone, trying to heal some scars

I’m sorry I’ve not been so attentive to the blog. I’ve been battling a horrendously bad IBS flare. I will try better. 

I’ve been realizing over the past couple days that the demons I’m working to free myself from now are truly just the scars of long ago epic scary moments (still having trouble saying the word “trauma”). While some of you are no doubtingly saying “Duh,” hold up a minute. 

Those scars are from the scariest moments of my life; often occurring when I didn’t have the tools to handle. I didn’t ever know there was a toolbox. We all do the best we can with what we have at the time. 

My mode of coping was denial, trying to be invisible or keep everybody happy, and denying some more. And darn if I wasn’t good at it; I buried those scars so deep not only can you not see them but I completely forgot they were there. 

I’m writing all of this to selfishly get those scars out there. I’m hoping that if I get this out, if I own the scars that I have & learn to accept them; healing them won’t feel so hard. 

I do hope that this will help someone else, bring a little hope, and remind us all that nobody knows what someone else has going on behind the scenes. 

#endthestigma #authenticityjourney #ptsdawareness #youarenotalone