Yesterday was the first day of National Suicide Prevention Week.
1st Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor nor do I play one on TV. This blog is just a platform for me to tell my story in hopes (pun not intended) it helps myself and others heal. 2nd Disclaimer: I've never been suicidal but I have been down in the darkness or clinically what doctor's call depression. So no I don't know exactly what you may be feeling but I know some of it; too much more than I want to. I hope my story, even though it differs from yours, can bring you some hope and maybe healing.
When I was in the seventh grade, a very good family friend committed suicide. I was young but I was observant. I saw how much their choice in the darkness hurt my family and friends and left damage and scars that would take years to heal. I love my family and I am fiercely loyal and devoted to them. Like I've said in the past we were the Four Musketeers. So those memories of their grief, even in the deepest darkness that I've found myself in, stops me from sinking any darker without getting help. I will not cause my family anymore of the pain I saw in their grief for that family friend.
I'm older now and had to wade through my own depression so know I know a fraction of the pain that family friend was fighting. Sometimes that depression is so heavy, so dark, so all-consuming at times that its hard to find the little glimpses of light in everyday or even see it. I've been blessed with an amazing family, great doctors, a faith in something greater, and something in me that kicks in when I need extra toughness and grit to get through the day.
All this week, I'll write and post something everyday. My way of shining light into the darkness. To remind someone, anyone that they are not alone. That they are needed and wanted in this world. If you are struggling or scared or in a fight of your own, please reach out to someone: I've attached a list of resources below.