Monday, August 6, 2018

Step One to Courage

Okay I'm sort of brave today or maybe I'm just so tired I'm open to say more. I have been battling or learning to live with IBS and GERD for over fifteen years. As part of that struggle, especially in school and social issues, I became diagnosed with and experienced/experience anxiety for over ten years. These struggles are something I have never truly talked about freely. In some ways it was to protect me because I have been bullied by fellow students and grown adults because of something they didn't understand, never sought to understand, and/or never cared to show me any form of empathy. And honestly the other reason was I just focused on surviving each day and accomplishing whatever goal was before me: high school, college, career, etc. . But focusing surviving is getting exhausting. I'm tired of feeling like all I'm doing is managing or adapting for my digestive disorder or my anxiety; I want to feel a part of my own life. Living it not being a spectator on the sidelines. I spectate because it's safe or I won't be judged this way or its easier or it's all I've ever really known. And that's the truly scary part; I'm in my late twenties and only now waking up and building a real authentic life. And for some odd reason I'm sharing it with total strangers. But I'm tired of hiding, I'm tired of the sidelines.

So here's step one of what I am only assuming is a probably long and winding journey. But dammit if I'm going to go on this journey, I'm going to figure out how to live my own life, I'm going to talk about it, and it's going to be REAL.

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