Saturday, August 25, 2018

One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

Do you ever feel like you make one step forward only to shoved backwards in the next breath? I hate it. I feel like I'm doing the work: my healthy food choices, trying to exercise more, being conscious of my finances, and being very aware of my stress level. All things that I have been encouraged to do to create a healthy balance to better maintain my IBS and GERD. I have been going to counseling, reading, writing in my journal and here, and living a life more intentionally which were moves I have been encouraged to do to better manage my anxiety. And yet every step feels like I'm walking uphill through knee - high muck; earning every moment of clarity, peace, and "normalcy". Even when I make those gains it feels like a couple days later I'm back where I started or I'm triggered into responding to a situation not at all how I want to but more emotionally, loudly, and over-sensitized. I fight to earn every moment of progress only to feel like I've lost it a few days later. This whole process is just exhausting. Anybody feel like that? This I tunnel back into myself until I feel a little bit stronger. Trying really hard to do that this time.

Maybe its more of a dance than a backslide says a very cautious optimistic me

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