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*if you are able*

I’ve worked hard to keep this Hope’s Still Here more about my journey with chronic illness, share others I find inspiring, and causes I feel driven to share about. 

Today’s different and harder … it’s an important note about the effects of #gastroparesis & living with a #chronicillness . 

My gastroparesis and GERD have caused extensive damage to my teeth and oral health. My dentist, oral surgeon, gastroenterologists, and I have done the best we can to slow down or offset the damage but it’s now too far gone. I have to have my teeth removed and replaced with a fixed hybrid denture. 

This is an intensive procedure that involves extraction, a few implants placed for the denture and my jaw bone to connect and heal properly. This procedure is also extremely expensive and not covered by insurance.

So my sister and I have started a GoFundMe page to raise the funds needed to cover this procedure. So if you are able to help, any support would be greatly appreciated. Also please share this post.

GoFundMe Page

Gratefully,

Angela (@hopes.still.here)

#linkinbio #chronicillness #gastroparesis #authenticityjourney #chronicillnesslife #gofundme #patientsrisingfam 

Update: Where I Am Today

​ I’ve been really struggling lately; walking the tight rope of gastroparesis and chronic illness has my brain short – circuiting. Chronic illness whether it was irritable bowel syndrome as a teenager or gastroparesis now takes over almost every sector of my brain and life, especially now. I was always so proud that I was still able to be a functioning, independent woman and now I’m a partially functionally, frequently dependent on others woman. 

The truth is what chronic illness takes from me is not my independence but rather my choices. My ability to make the choices about my own life has been completely diminished. My days are ruled by how bad the pain, the fatigue, the nausea, the TMI bathroom symptoms are; its not my choice as to whether I get to go on a long walk or just make it to my kitchen. I have to have a running tally is my head of where my symptoms are at, what I have to get done, and what I want to get done. Often if I want to spend an hour or two out in the world and depending on the activity; I’ve been resting, eating/hydrating precisely, and practicing mindfulness for days before just to have the best chance of participating and each event costs me. Every day the questions are: need, want, can I handle the costs, and what if I’m wrong. 

All the while the world keeps spinning and I miss those choices I watch others make from the sidelines. Choices like what career they want to pursue, job they get to go to everyday, where they get to live, having a family or not, what/how to balance their wallet every month, and even building relationships. Choices larger then every next right step or move to maintain my health, obey the doctors and my body, stay out of the hospital, and mitigate the damage across my entire body from the doctors, loss, illnesses, and side effects. I live in shifting sands grasping onto the belief that making the smart choices now and facing all the uncertainty will ensure a more stable, better future.

*Although in our current medical system, it strains “the powers that be,” not the actual doctors, to believe that my gastrointestinal health impacted my dental health as well as my mental health. *

Ultimately the truth is my story is still being figured out; I live my life one day at a time or three months at a time between my gastroparesis specialist appointments. I’m reminded every time I log onto social media, I’m not the only one having to make these judgements and live in these narrow parameters. Some days that’s helpful not being alone but there’s always an aspect of loneliness because I’m the only one living in my body feeling each symptom and each choice slipping away from me. Some days it makes me grateful because for all the uncertainty I’m not writing this from a hospital bed or with tubes sticking out of me or as a child. Today the weight of it all just has me a little too contemplative, lost in the weeds of all the things, and holding onto the hope that my tomorrows will be better. And at some point, my story is more figured out balancing the illness and a full rich life of simple yet beautiful choices and opportunities every day.

Life, Love, & Loss Played Out on a Global Stage

 

I’m excited about this book for probably a different reason than most. Yes, the novelty of a constitutional monarchy played out on a global social media stage with real life princes are interesting in and of themselves. But I look at this cover and I see another AMFer. 

AMF is a support group I was a part of in college for students who had lost a loved one or an ailing loved one. All our stories were unique and often the only thing we had in common was the monster of grief we wanted nothing to do with but had to wrestle with everyday. We bonded over the underlying emotions as we processed loss and trauma so that the monster no longer drove our story but is now simply a part of it. 

Whenever I hear about or see someone out there who’s going through or who has gone through the grief process young - they become an AMFer in my mind. I immediately want to support them and also hear their story to learn how they handled the trauma. I’m further down the road and my dad’s death is a part of my story but every so often his chemo journey and loss rear their ugly heads in my life. 

So I search out these stories because I yearn to know how others survived and how I can continue in world when he couldn’t. I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I feel that my family’s loss and the loss of my dad was not played out on the world stage. Seriously huge amounts of gratitude for being able to rebuild my world in private. 

So I’m intrigued to read his story about the actual lives, loves, & loss of the biggest global stories in the past thirty years. I’m further interested in learning another survivor’s story and how they live with the scars. But I’m really grateful that another AMFer has the chance to share his story, his journey, and get his power back. 

#authenticityjourney #activelymovingforward #amf #ptsdawareness #griefjourney #grieftakesyourpoweraway #bookstagram #spare