Wednesday, March 13, 2019

"Have You Ever?" Stream of Consciousness Poem

I'd thought I'd share something a little different with everyone. I wrote this poem recently and it's kind of a stream of consciousness of my feelings.

Have You Ever

Have you ever felt always out of touch and out of step everywhere you go?
Have you ever feared new people so much, you always played a role in hopes they’d like you?
Have you ever needed to be doing multiple things all at once to keep your mind from spinning?
Have you ever eyed all the exits everywhere you went?
Have you ever needed to find hiding places and corners in large crowds?
Have you ever felt so triggered, simple smells or sounds can send you running?
Have you ever wanted to be invisible and yet yearned to be seen?

Have you ever been so haunted, you avoid people and places?
Have you ever been so on edge, you would start yelling at the slightest of things?
Have you ever been so depressed, you would suddenly start sobbing?
Have you ever been so nervous, you chewed your lip till it was raw?
Have you ever been so anxious, you rubbed your hands till they bruised?
Have you ever been so scared, your body shook?

Have you ever felt on guard and on edge even in your own home?
Have you ever been so lost, you stopped looking at the stars for fear you would never find them?
Have you ever hated change so much, you control everything in your environment in protection?
Have you ever yearned to go home and yet know that home no longer exists?
Have you never felt truly safe anywhere?

Have you ever been shocked by the kindness of strangers and friends long forgotten?
Have you ever wanted help and not sure where to find it?
Have you ever been surviving so long, you forgot how to live?

Have you ever lost your own self and never noticed?
Have you ever had to leave everything and everyone you know to find her?

Have you ever needed to leave but been frozen in place?

By Angela Deeds

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