On a non #corona day, a chronic illness normally means doctors, blood tests, scans, treatment protocols (hopefully), and the dreadful, avoid-at-all-costs ER visits. ER visits are no fun. You can develop a rhythm of distractions, have family distract you, have a go bag packed so you have all your necessary tools. Except in the times of #covid19.
I found myself in the ER after a week of severe abdominal pain, extreme nausea every time I breathed, and well I moved into my bathroom. So at this point, my disdain and triggers associated with hospitals get outvoted and ER here we come.
Except this time:
- No one can come with me
- I’m so weak I can barely form a coherent thought to answer the doctor’s questions (so having my mom there would have helped)
- Every smell, sound, taste of saline through my IV was an emotional AND physical trigger.
I’m alone, weepy, weak, and shaking trying to drown out the panic with music or a movie. Scary part is that, minus the weepy part, battling any chronic illness “gremlin” is a solo journey. If like me you were initially diagnosed as a child, your parents are vital advocates/allies, but it is your body the “gremlin” is attacking. Scarier part for me is that up until seven months ago I had a treatment protocol that worked and now I don’t. And #covid is just making things worse.
Alone in the ER, with some nice #healthcareheroes, I got the fluids and relief I needed to sure me up to handle this “gremlin” at home. Because I am in the horrible waiting period of finding treatment, of finding relief. I have been to ALL the doctors, had ALL the tests that my local providers can think of. I was supposed to be seen by a top specialist at a medical center next week but due to #corona it’s been postponed AGAIN. Indefinitely this time; they didn’t know when the clinic would reopen.
I’m trying to be understanding. There are bigger problems that need to be addressed. Other people are in much scarier states of limbos than me. Except I’m still hurting, I’m still stuck in my bed, and it’s exhausting. (And if this is a true #authenticityjourney – this last round is making me a little scared).
So there’s the update. There’s a #longpost as to why life in the time of #covid is changing nearly every facet of our world and is taking its toll on a lot of people. So wear the mask and be a little kinder.
You can’t always see the battles people are fighting.
